Mushi
by Kaya Blood Rose
Summary: Yoshiki looked at him disinterestedly "hide we have band practice in 30 minutes" he drawled this with a bored tone. Toshi nodded along with Heath, Taiji and Sugizo, Pata piped up "don't show up drunk again!" "and get over your ex man...it's not like you were really together in the first place.."
1. Prolouge: Mushi

With the moon rising high in the sky the man dressed in black walked through the night. His heart was filled with pain and his stomach felt like it was in knots. He sang as he walked, feet crunching into the thick blanket of snow upon the ground. " Uchiakerarenai dare mo shinjirarenai dare mo kare mo Hora subete mienai sashikonda hikari ga kiete ima ni mo kareru..." he sang this to the trees as the wind whipped his pink hair into his face like a blanket, trying to soothe the emotions coursing through his head. But it only served to make things worse...just like him.

(Flashback Begins)

The pink haired man watched as the other packed all of his suitcases, he was going to leave again and the pink haired man was going to fall apart once more. "You...I am no god...I am just a man...I can't stand to look at you anymore...you disgust me...you changed hide...and I will never forget the night you wanted to 'slow things down' leaving me feeling like you did not desire me...no matter what you say...hideto...I will never forget...that hurt me...Why do you think I do not touch you anymore? the last time my cock found your heated wetness...and yet you blow that too! you messed up hide...no matter how much you desire me ...and no matter if I have the urge to make love to you...I will not. you messed up...you fucked it up...and you can apologize all you want...and I may say I forgave you...and we'd fucked on the tourbus...but I will never forget and that is why I do not touch you when we are at home...even if you walk around naked in front of me, pussy dripping, cock hard as stone, asshole pulsating with need...I will not touch you...you should find someone else to sate your desire for me...just close your eyes, let them put their cock in you and pretend it's me...that should be just as good", "please...please no! I'm sorry...I did not mean it that way! it's just I was just trying to prove how much I love you...it's deeper than what you think...I'm not placing you atop anything! please!" he fell to his knees in the doorway and sobbed as he said this. Kaoru glared at the other as he grabbed hide and throwing him over his shoulder, dumped him on the couch. "hide...just shut up ok? I've already found somebody else...and they desire me...they love me...they care...they won't idolize me...they...are not you...they are better than you...they don't bore me..I'm sorry hideto...but your no fun anymore...I'm bored with you really...like I said...when you feel lonely just call somebody...lay down...spread your legs..close your eyes...and pretend it's me...because it will never be me again. I have someone much more important to give my love to ...ok? I know it hurts but...you'll get over it.." he kissed hide's forehead before he gathered all of his bags and walked out the door.

(Flashback Ends)

TBC.


	2. Chapter One: A Still Life

hide sat inside the soundbooth staring at the microphone. He pulled out a piece of paper from his back pocket and rolled it around a grasslike substance before lighting it and smoking for a second before putting it out. He got up, throwing the recording headphones to the floor he stalked out of the booth. He looked at his bandmates, they were lounging around the breakroom, Sugizo and Yoshiki were playing cards, and footzy under the table. Toshi was explaining to Pata, Heath and Taiji about the fine arts of painting a stupid wooden duck and the three sat there all stupid with their dumbass mouths hanging open as though Toshi was doing something worth paying attention to. Kiyoshi, Ran, INA & I.N.A. and Joe from his band hide with Spread Beaver were guiding his white boys in Zilch how to determine the difference between a transvestite and a transexual for some equally stupid reason.

Yoshiki looked at him disinterestedly "hide we have band practice in 30 minutes" he drawled this with a bored tone. Toshi nodded along with Heath, Taiji and Sugizo, Pata piped up "don't show up drunk again!"

"and get over your ex man...it's not like you were really together in the first place...we could all see how much of a dumbass you act sometimes..no wonder he left your ass..." Toshi said this with a laugh. hide stared at them with hurt eyes, he was trying so hard not to cry...

"yeah we love you and all but-" hide cut Yoshiki off "Band practice? fuck band practice! I'm going home...my head hurts and I damn sure don't want to hear you whining at me! Yochan, Toshi, Pata, Heath and Sugizo...just leave me alone! I don't want you guys to think I love you so much I raise you to god status like he does! why don't he understand what I was tryin ta say?! why?! it's not like that! I know he's just a man...I am too...we...we were supposed to get married tomorrow..." he finally broke into tears and ran from the studio

Tears blinding him as he ran he did not look back. The only reason he even came to work today was because he needed to get out of the house...everything smelled like the purple haired man...it filled him with warmth and pain . He took the trek to the studio in the snow just so he could escape the throbbing ache in his heart. But it hadn't worked...he felt even worse than before..

He was just going to go get a bottle of the cheapest hardest shit he could find, no vodka...the thought of vodka brought tears to his eyes and he quickly wiped them away, not wanting to think about vodka...because if he thought about it he would think about HIM...and it hurt because all he could recall were the last things his ex had told him before he'd left...and hide was in too much pain from the first time he'd heard it..he did not want to think right now..

He got home and pulled a bottle of burboun. On impluse he went to the fridge to get a can of coke, grabbing a glass he mixed the coke and burboun together before chugging it down. He went about this until the bottle was empty and he'd run out of coke. He laid on his couch staring at nothing before getting up and pulling out a notepad. He began to write down the list of things needed for the wedding because he just realized he'd lost the finished list and the other man had taken everything else just to show hide there would be no wedding now.

He called a few people and they brought everything he needed. He was extremely drunken by this time, and as they moved everything to were it should be, he stumbled into his bedroom and fell asleep.

(Next Morning)

He woke up when someone shook him. "hide...you left the door unlocked...are you doing ok?", a long-time friend of his, Ryo of By-Sexual asked as he sat on hide's bed...right where..."Ryo! get up and sit here" he patted the area next to himself. Ryo complied and sat down next to him as the pink haired man sat up. "Ryo...why are you here?" he asked as he ran a hand through his own hair. "I just came by to check on ya...I heard about K-" hide cut him off "I know...look can you please leave? I need to be alone right now...", Ryo nodded and got up and left with an uncaring expression on his face. So what if the other man was in pain? he was his friend and all but Ryo had better things to do. Hiroshi came in a few mintues later, "hide?" hide came out of the room, "Hiroshi...take me to the temple.."

TBC


	3. Chapter Two: A Still Frame

hide got out of the car and walked into the temple. He knew the other wouldn't be here...he knew...he looked down to see a note sitting on the altar. He skimmed it, deciding to read it in private later, as he walked out of the temple Hiroshi came running with a newspaper in his grasp yelling "hide! hide! Dir en Grey were just killed in a car accident! but, they didn't find Kaoru...look!" he shoved the newspaper at hide before running back to pick up something he'd dropped. hide stared at the paper...the headlines burning his eyes, DIR EN GREY TRAGIC CAR CRASH, LEAD GUITARIST MISSING! VANISHED INTO THIN AIR! . He clutched at his chest where his heart lay as he got into the backseat of the car and lied down. He put the newspaper on his chest, and hand resting on the picture of the man he'd seen just two days before...he closed his eyes and listened to his own heartbeat get slower and slower and slower until it finally stopped.

Hiroshi bammed on the window "hide! hide?! hide open the door!" without hesitation his brother sped to the hospital, where the docters managed to bring him back from the brink...but barley ..

TBC.


	4. Chapter Three: Broken Glass

(A few days later)

The shadows danced on the ceiling as the pink haired man stared up blankly at them. He fumbled in the dark, trying to find the cigarettes Hiroshi had snuck in for him inside his coat. When his hand finally grasped them, deep in the pocket next to something cold, he pulled all the items out. His eyes glazed over as he lit the cigarette with the lighter the other man had given him. He should not be sitting here...in this fucking hospital bed with these fucking wires and shit hanging off him...he should be out..trying to find the purple haired man...and helping with the rest of DEG...they were on their way to Yoshiki's studio afterall...when some dumbass semi-truck came flying at them...He growled and began ripping the wires and the tape and the iv's off.

Standing up on wobbly legs he growled again, this time at the nurse who was walking in. He stormed past her, past the reception desk filled with people who were screaming for him to come back, past his brother who had fallen asleep in a waiting room chair again and outside. He walked right out of the hospital and down the sidewalk, still in the hospital gown. "hide! yo hide!" came a shout, hide looked over to see Uruha from Gazette. "Ruru what the fuck you doin on this side of Tokyo this late at motherfuckin night?" he scolded the other musician. "hide...man I just came to see how you were...ya know Rukinator...he follows your image like the Word man, only he couldnt make it so I came" he smiled at hide and walked up to him. "Did you hear about Diru?" he asked as he ran a hand through hide's hair.

The pink haired smacked his hand away "don't you dare fucking touch me! it was you wasn't it? you and that vocalist guy of 'Aoru's band...you two...when he said 'They' he didn't mean just one...you slimy bitch..." Uruha looked shocked until hide pulled out the letter, Uruha read it and his eyes went wide. "T-That is a lie! I didn't do anything to hurt him! it was his fault for not being at my beck and call whenever I felt like it!"

He snarled and smacked the blonde in the face, "That is BULLSHIT and you fucking KNOW IT! you cunt bitch! your lucky he cares about your ass... otherwise you'd be flyin in space wit no oxygen right now...Look. I am tired and my bandmates already pissed me off enough for a whole month a few days ago...I want you to go back to werever you came from..and leave me the fuck alone...everybody! Ryo, Yoshiki, Pata, Heath, Toshi, Taiji fuckin Sugizo...Kiyoshi, Ina-chan, Ran, Paul, Joey everybody just get the fuck away because you all pretend to care when YOU REALLY FUCKNG DON'T! nobody gives a FUCK about ol' hidey boy...it's always 'hide your hairs too pink' or 'hide you changed your shirt! it's weird and I don't like you anymore because of your shirt' 'I'm sorry I will fix it!' 'no hide the damage is done I don't like your shirt so I am quitting the band' or 'hide I asked you to sing that song right!' 'I am!' 'no your not sing it right!' or 'I am not helping you get back at that guy who stole your song and passes it off as his' 'why?!' 'cuz he's my friend too I won't help you get revenge against my friend oh and Kirito...is really a girl' or 'hide... you changed...' 'I'm sorry I displeased you I will fix everything I promise!' 'no, learn your lesson make more music and make it better or I'm quittin the band' you pretended to be my friend Uruha...just like Ryo and that son of a bitch Kirito...not to mention Tsuzuku...all of you...liers! I may have problems...and I don't do everything right or perfect...but I know when I make a mistake and I do everything I can to fix it! now get the fuck out of my way! I gotta find Kaoru..."

TBC.


	5. Chapter Four: The Final?

hide walked into Ryo's apartment without knocking. "Ryo..." he muttered as he shook the raven haired awake. "RYO!" he screamed in anger after fifteen minutes, Ryo shot up "hi-hide?! w-what are you?..." he froze as hide held up one of Kaoru's bags. I found this one...in your closet...where is he? where is he Ryo?!", Ryo gulped, "Look man he came here dropped the bag off then left ok?" hide raised an eyebrow, "Kaoru?-" Ryo cut him off "no..no no not him man! Kami...said him and Sugizo made a bet wit Kyo man...not the DEG Kyo of course, he dead, but Kyo from yer old band man..Yokousuka Saver Tiger...him an Uehara man.." the pink haired man clamped a hand over Ryo's mouth. "Uehara?! so your telling me Kami, Sugizo and MY former bandmate Kyo are fucking with Uehara?! THE Uehara? the guy who dumped me for a woman?! the guy who toyed with my heart like a fucking cat?! the guy I wrote fucking nearly 12 songs about how he hurt me and how much I hate him?!"

Ryo nodded, "they were tryin ta find out what happened to Kaoru too man...Uehara told them to bring the bag here so you would find it..honest!" hide snarled and punched Ryo in the face. "Fuck you Ryo...!..your in on this shit too! I know Kami has some kind of plan otherwise he wouldn't a left me this celllphone.." he pulled the pink cellphone marked hide out of the bag and walked out of Ryo's place.

He finally found out what had happened ...his crazy ass ex Uehara happened ..."fuck!" he dialed Kami's number "Kami, it's hide." "hide! man! some weird shit is goin down up here ...get to your old LA apartment and do it now! Uehara is crazy man! crazy!" the line went dead after a scream from the background.

He growled and ran toward his old place, he did not know what the hell was going on...but he would DAMN sure find out!

TBC.


	6. Final Chp: Pink Spiders and Purple Webs

screamed as he hit the wall. "You bastards!" spitting the blood that had pooled in his mouth into Uruha's face he moved to punch Uehara who'd come running at him. But. that's when he heard the heartbeat again...and it was getting slower and more faint each time he heard it..he ignored it and continued to fight the others along with Kami, Kyo, his other friend Yuuki and Sugizo who'd switched sides. But Uehara eventually overpowered them all and as hide was wresting with one of his cronies Uehara pulled out a gun and pressed it to the back of his head. "your not fit to-" a gunshot went off but it was Uehara who fell to the ground. Kami, Yuuki, Sugizo and Kyo stared wide eyed at the purple haired who lowered the gun he had been holding. He stared blankly at all of them before gathering hide into his arms. The pink haired man wept as he clung to the other, "where were you?!" he sobbed. "Right on time...none of that other stuff matters...we're overdue ne?" hide smiled as he turned to Uruha and the others, Ryo did not fight he just sat there and complained. "Fuck you Ryo...Fuck you Yoshiki...FUCK YOU URUHA...Fuck you Kirito...and FUCK YOU Uehara...Kami, Sugi, Kyo, Yuuki, 'Aoru... lets get the fuck out of here...", he glared at Uehara's dead body as they left the house.

(Month Later)

hide walked down the isle with a beautiful white and black dress on as he walked toward Kaoru, he was so happy he could scream...but he heard it again...the heart beating...shaking his head he focused on the love of his life, standing there waiting on him. He walked up to him with a bright smile and after they were pronounced married Kaoru swept hide into his arms and just as they shared a passionate love-filled kiss and doves seemed to fly out of nowhere as angels fainted and fell from heaven at the pure beauty of such powerful love... they gazed into each others eyes, "I love you..." "I love you too.." roses fell from the sky as people around the world saw the truth of reality and rejoiced with celebrations littering the streets...the world was at peace..everything...was at peace...then...hide heard it again...but this time the heartbeat grew so weak he could barley hear anything..until...

beep...beeep...beeep..beep...beep. beep. beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

He'd never even left the backseat of the car...

No heart moniter attached to him, no hospital bed did he lie in...hide had one final sweet dream before life left him and his heart finally ceased beating, the sounds of Hiroshi still banging on the window as the hand that held the newspaper lovingly clutched at the picture of the purple haired man as a final reflex in the throws of a silent, peaceful eternal slumber...

"Aishiteru..."

~The End~

A/N: I know this is sad, but it was the dream I had with added content of things I used to let out the stress and pain I felt when I wrote this on Wattpad a year ago...this is the first story I have ever published and completed. I may do a sequal, if I get any reviews!


End file.
